87 Funny Dog Quotes Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day!

We all know dogs bring immense joy and laughter into our lives with their silly antics and endearing personalities. There’s no better way to capture a dog’s humor than through funny dog quotes that perfectly encapsulate their quirky behaviors and the special bond they share with humans.

In this blog article, we’ll dive into some of the best funny dog quotes that will have you chuckling and nodding along in agreement. From insightful observations on a dog’s perspective of life to hilarious anecdotes about their naughty moments, these quotes highlight why dogs continue to be man’s best friend. So get ready to let out some belly laughs as we explore the wonderful weird world of dogs through these witty words!

Funny Dog Quotes

1. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney
2. “Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.” – Moby
3. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.” – Phil Pastoret
4. “The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.” – Unknown
5. “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” – Marilyn Monroe
6. “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” – Rita Rudner
7. “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley
8. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.” – John Steinbeck
9. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” – Franklin P. Jones
10. “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” – Johnny Depp
11. “Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.” – Dave Barry
12. “My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” – Elayne Boosler
13. “In dog years, I’m dead.” – Unknown
14. “Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” – Anne Tyler
15. “My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” – Joe Weinstein
16. “I like dogs. You always know what a dog is thinking. It has four moods. Happy, sad, cross, and concentrating. Also, dogs are faithful and they do not tell lies because they cannot talk.” – Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
17. “The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.” – Mark Twain
18. “Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.” – Agatha Christie
19. “I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.” – Unknown
20. “Why does watching a dog be a dog fill one with happiness?” – Jonathan Safran Foer
21. “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.” – Charles Yu
22. “Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz
23. “Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell.” – Emily Dickinson
24. “My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!” – Craig Shoemaker
25. “If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you, but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.” – Alfred North Whitehead
26. “I believe in integrity. Dogs have it. Humans are sometimes lacking it.” – Cesar Millan
27. “Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” – Agnes Sligh Turnbull
28. “The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.” – Carrie Underwood
29. “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” – Harry S. Truman
30. “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” – Mark Twain
31. “I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.” – Abraham Lincoln
32. “A dog is like a liberal. He wants to please everybody. A cat really doesn’t need to know that everybody loves him.” – William Kunstler
33. “Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.” – Max Eastman
34. “Old dogs, like old shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well.” – Bonnie Wilcox
35. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” – Ann Landers
36. “A dog is one of the few things in life that is as it seems.” – Mark J. Asher
37. “The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic.” – Henry Ward Beecher
38. “Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” – John Grogan
39. “I am I because my little dog knows me.” – Gertrude Stein
40. “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” – Ben Williams
41. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings
42. “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?” – Jerry Seinfeld
43. “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” – Will Rogers
44. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” – Franklin P. Jones
45. “My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” – Unknown
46. “In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” – Edward Hoagland
47. “If you want a friend in life, get a dog.” – Gordon Gekko (Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps)
48. “The best therapist has fur and four legs.” – Unknown
49. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
50. “The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” – Unknown
51. “I wonder what goes through my dog’s mind when he sees me peeing in his water bowl.” – Penny Ward Moser
52. “My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.” – Unknown
53. “The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them.” – Stanley Coren
54. “I’m not sure if I’m a good person, but my dog definitely thinks so.” – Unknown
55. “If a dog’s prayers were answered, bones would rain from the sky.” – Turkish Proverb
56. “Dogs have important jobs, like barking when the doorbell rings, but cats have no function in a house whatsoever.” – W. Bruce Cameron
57. “I named my dog ‘Five Miles’ so I can tell people I walk Five Miles every day.” – Unknown
58. “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” – Christopher Morley
59. “Dogs are like potato chips, you can’t have just one.” – Unknown
60. “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” – James Thurber
61. “If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.” – Unknown
62. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.” – Sue Murphy
63. “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” – Aldous Huxley
64. “Be the person your dog thinks you are.” – J.W. Stephens
65. “I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.” – August Strindberg
66. “Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.” – Sigmund Freud
67. “Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” – Robert A. Heinlein
68. “If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.” – Woodrow Wilson
69. “Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” – Mark Twain
70. “Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” – Corey Ford
71. “I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.” – Will Rogers
72. “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.” – Fran Lebowitz
73. “A dog can express more with his tail in seconds than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.” – Unknown
74. “A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.” – O. A. Battista
75. “Ever wonder where you’d end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash?” – Robert Brault
76. “Dogs do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and want, secure.” – Mason Cooley
77. “Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.” – Unknown
78. “If you don’t own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.” – Roger Caras
79. “My dog can bark like a congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press secretary, and play dead like a receptionist when the phone rings.” – Gerald B. H. Solomon
80. “You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’” – Lewis Grizzard
81. “Better to be the dog than the tail that wags it.” – Greg King
82. “A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.” – Barack Obama
83. “Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. ” – Roger Caras
84. “You know, a dog can snap you out of any kind of bad mood that you’re in faster than you can think of.” – Jill Abramson
85. “Dog is God spelled backwards.” – Duane Chapman
86. “If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” – Andy Rooney
87. “Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.” – Smiley Blanton

Conclusion

After reading through these amusing and relatable quotes, it’s easy to see why dogs hold such an important place in our hearts. Their loyalty, goofy personality, and unconditional love bring joy and laughter, even during the most difficult times.

The next time your dog does something silly like chase their own tail or sneak food off the counter when you’re not looking, think back to these funny moments perfectly captured in quote form. Dogs have a lot to teach humans about stopping to smell the roses and living in the moment rather than worrying about the future.

Hopefully these funny dog quotes made you smile, laugh, and appreciate the furry clowns in your life even more. Here’s to keeping things light with man’s best friend by your side!